As I’ve mentioned before, I have a hard time expressing anger. If my anger could be described as a natural phenomenon, it would be an earthquake. It usually comes with very little warning, though if one is lucky, there will be a few tremors. But then…but then…the earthquake hits. Most earthquakes don’t last very long. They are generally very short, lasting seconds if not minutes. However the devastation caused by them is immense. Buildings are destroyed, fires occur because of broken gas mains, tsunamis form- well, you get the drift.
This week, I was hurt- emotionally hurt, but hurt nonetheless. And I thought I would be able to deal with it in a logical, rational way.We could have a chat, act like civilized people, and move on with a framework mutually acceptable by all. To my surprise…I found myself getting angrier and angrier. Like really angry. And anger combined with hurt is a bad, bad, BAD combination. It fuels anger like nothing else can. They feed off each other.
This is the weird, and scary part. The earthquake of anger occurred 2 or 3 days after the event that precipitated it. And there were signs…signs, that I wasn’t dealing with it well. But for whatever reason…I missed them. I dismissed them. I pushed them down in my desire to keep everything under control. And so 3 days later…I was as surprised as the other party at the earthquake we were experiencing.
And it truly was terrifying to experience. The tumbling down and spiralling out of the control and level-headedness that I’m usually so good at maintaining was collapsing all around me…and I found myself deep into the rubble when all was said and done.
So, I’m damaged. I’m hurt. And I’m angry. Though not as angry as I was two days ago. But I’m surrounded in rubble, bruised and battered-gazing at the sky in a daze.
I don’t know what the other person is feeling. But I think for now, I do have to concentrate on rescuing me. And I do hope, when all is said and done, that this earthquake of hurt and rage hasn’t damaged our friendship beyond repair. But I accept that might not be the case. And yes, dear reader…there is something I’m not telling you. LOL. Something that I’m keeping close to my chest…something which I’m working though. But for now? Shuuuuuuuuush.
I’ll be blunt. I wonder if I’ll be missed. If my absence will be noted. Or if he’ll go on with life as if nothing happened. But I need to take some time for myself, because it’s the right thing to do…and the right thing to do isn’t often the easiest thing to do. And maybe, in time, when I’m healed, calmer, and less emotional, we can have a chat. Well..let me rephrase. There WILL BE A CHAT. How two sided it’ll be is the subject for another post.
Adrian's Blog ( A deep dive into my mind) 
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