Withdrawal and Collateral Damage

I’ve been going through a very rough patch which has in its roots the fact that life is incredibly unfair and it’s not like Burger King-you don’t get it your way.

And I know that life is unfair. I’m under no illusions about that. I just wish that sometimes, it would go my way when I’d like it.

So, onto the theme of the entry! Collateral damage is when you kill, injure, wound, or destroy something other than the intended target. Of course, no one wants this in a military conflict, because innocent people get killed or wounded, and property not related to the war or incursion gets destroyed for no justifiable reason.

The problem is that collateral damage is inevitable and the people suffering it get angry and aggrieved. REALLY angry.

As I mentioned before…(A Letter from my Heart)..that I need to heal and take care of myself. But I worry in doing so, I will cause collateral damage to someone I care about. But this is the problem. Sometimes, collateral damage is inevitable. It happens. And there is nothing one can do about it. All one can hope is when all is said and done, things will be fixable, and repairable.

Withdrawal. In a battlefield, when one withdraws from a position to regroup, one HOPES that the enemy lets you get away with it. But far too often, it doesn’t work that way. The opposing side continues to fire and and try to destroy you. And you have a choice to make–get the hell out as quickly as possible, or fight back while retreating.

In terms of my life and the issues that I’m grappling with–I’ve decided to withdraw as quickly as possible. For now, I don’t need the stress, the arguments, the undercurrents of potential hostility and anger. I don’t need the sadness…I don’t need to suffer any more pain and hurt. I don’t need the tears and the depression. I need peace and quiet and time to think and figure out what I need to do next.

I…I just wish I understood myself more…and even though I abhor solitude in this stage of my life, I need time to think and reevaluate my life, and my choices. And in doing so, I am definitely risking collateral damage. What a mess!

Solitude. Soulmate. S.O. All three start with “so”. I wish I could find the last two.