Swimming or Drowning?

I was swimming a couple of days ago at my gym’s pool, and I saw someone drowning. They were moving gracefully in the water, and then something happened. There was a lot of thrashing, arms flailing and the like, so animated that all of in the pool turned to look him. To be honest, it looked so stereotypically comical, that none of moved, even his friend standing 3 feet away from him in the water.

We quickly realized that he was in trouble, and all of us, including his friends made moves to help him and effect a rescue. He did manage to right himself, and with his two confederates, made his way out of the pool and onto the deck.

Here’s the thing–he was in trouble, but it looked so fake and affected that no one believed him at first. It was only until it continued that we realized something was seriously wrong.  Especially as most of the stuff I’ve read indicated that drowning is very rarely the thrashing and flailing about we see on TV or in the movies.

Sometimes in life..I don’t know if I’m swimming or drowning, or just floating by. Swimming is where one makes progress, and everything is moving smoothly. Arms and legs are working in unison to propel me in the direction I want to go.

And other times, I’m floating…I’ve got control, but I’m letting the currents take me where they like, and going along with the flow. Aimless and rudderless to be sure, but should I expend the effort, I can be back on track.

And there are days where I’m drowning–life’s waves and currents are too much for me to control, and I’m in danger of going under. Lately, it seems like that is what’s happening to me more and more. And I do fight it…I do thrash about and flail my arms and hope that I can regain control.  But I’ll be honest…sometimes I think it’s just easier to sink. Just for a little bit and then pop back up to the surface. The funny thing is that while on the surface, waves are rough and toss you about…but underneath? It seems calmer…

I am reaching though. I am reaching for help, and I know that help is available. But it scares me when I start to think no one can help and no one can see me.

I do love swimming. And I’ll do my best not to drown. I promise. But I won’t lie, it’s getting harder and harder.