Our Secret Lives

I was talking with a colleague at work about what I was going to do Saturday night, and I mentioned karaoke. She was surprised that I was interested in that, and asked me how I got started. Well, I told her I was singing since I was about eight, and had no fears about performing or singing in public.

We had a fun chat about my first experience doing karaoke in public (frosh week, in front of 300 freshmen), song choices, and the like. At the end of our conversation, she said something along the lines of everyone having secret lives.

I laughed, and suggested that I didn’t want to know anything about my co-workers’ secret lives, and got back to what I was doing before this pleasant diversion happened. However, I thought about it some more over the weekend and wondered.

What do people do outside of work? How well do I know them, or want to know them? Do they possess secret talents or hobbies that would change how I feel about them (for better or for worse)? How do they act as husbands, wives, partners, children to their adult parents? Are they romantic? Is everything they present at work a fraud?

It reminded me of one of my favourite songs from the musical, “Cats”. The song is Masquerade, and the line is as follows.

“Masquerade, paper faces on parade
Masquerade, hide your face so the world will never find you
Masquerade, every face a different shade
Masquerade, look around, there’s another mask behind you “

I think we all do that, to some degree–hide ourselves to certain people in order to maintain a facade. Or we code switch–using different parts of language to different people.

The point is, it got me wondering–how much of anyone do I really know? Truly and deeply? I’d have to say not a whole lot.

As for me…do I have a secret life? Most definitely. There are things which I keep to myself for various reasons. Do I wish that some of things in my life were less secret? Definitely. As I get older, I realize the value of honesty, openness and being forthright to those I care about, and the world in general. And of course, that’s going to get me into trouble. It’s going to cause hurt and bruised feelings. It’s going to cause people to wonder what brought this change on. And that’s ok. That is something they will have to deal with, because at the end of the day, I have to be real to the person I see in the mirror.

And I know, I know, I KNOW that I might actually lose a few people in my life who won’t be able to deal with my reality. That notwithstanding, I owe it to them to be honest about who I am, what I value, how I feel, and whom I love. (Or is it who, I can never remember some days. LOL). Confession, they say, is good for the soul.

Yep, that’s about it for now. See you in a bit. And if it sounds like I’ve made a decision, it’s because I HAVE. I owe people an explanation, not because they are demanding one, but because I need to give one to them. For ME.