Fear.

Salutations!

Fear. It can be a good thing, and a bad thing. A dose of fear is healthy. It prevents us from doing stupid, risky, and bad things that will put us in danger. It can prevent us from making fools of ourselves.

If the fear is reasonable, and justified, then that’s not too bad. But what happens when the fear is illogical? What happens if the fear is preventing us from doing things we need to do? What if the fear is totally at variance with the worst that can happen? What if the fear borders on, or is a phobia? What then? I think we can agree that fear under those circumstances is bad.

I have been so fearful of so many things. Fear of what people might think, fear of getting hurt, fear of rejection, fear of being an outcast. Sigh. I see myself as The Cowardly Lion sometimes…full of bluster and bravado, but at the end of the day, being more fearful than not. 

I beat myself up over it.That’s a huge problem too. I think that I shouldn’t be so scared, so fearful, and I vow to do better next time. When I don’t, I get even more miserable and depressed about life, love, situations, etc. Perhaps I should take incremental steps? But given my impatience, I’d prefer to go all out! Decisions, decisions!

Don’t get me wrong, I can express my thoughts and opinions no problem! I can sing in front of hundreds of people, or act in front of hundreds and nary bat an eyelash.

Expressing my emotions. Stating my desires, my needs and wants. Getting angry. Putting myself out there. I’m scared of that. Being hurt, rejected, and not living a fantasy life…that terrifies me. Doing something that I can’t predict the end result of? Petrifying.

There are too many things in life that I’m scared of, and fearful of. And I’m not really sure why. Maybe it’s because I don’t like getting hurt, and it’s happened so many times in my life. I’m not sure.

But what I know is that I can’t go on living life scared and fearful. This blog helps. Normally I’d be scared of what others would think, and wonder if the right or wrong people were reading this. I’m not scared. I’m not scared of the chips falling where they may. 

Am I saying that I’ll never be scared again? Of course not. What I AM saying is that I will be more willing to do things that scare me, and realize that the results may not be as bad as I think they will be. And if they are? I will learn and move on for next time. 

“Courage isn’t a matter of not being frightened, you know. It’s being afraid and doing what you have to do anyway.”
The Third Doctor, Planet of the Daleks

That’s it for now!!!