Games We Play

Greetings and salutations!

I was just thinking about love, and life, and relationships, etc….and I find it sad and a little bit disappointing that games are such a huge part of things, instead of honesty.

It’s this choreographed sequence of movements, all designed to mask how we truly may feel about each other, so that we don’t come off as weird, or clingy. How many of us have heard the rules about calling people after a date? ” You can’t call right away, but you have to text within 3 days”, for example. Or how you have to play hard to get–not show too much eagerness, yet be eager enough, but not too distant or aloof…

It would be nice to be free of those rules and conventions that the dating world has placed on us, and just be ourselves when it comes to stuff life that. I mean if you had a great date, and really liked the guy…TEXT HIM. Or vice versa! Gender roles complicate things as well, and in the year 2019, shouldn’t we really be past that? Gay, straight, bi, whatever, it would be nice if we could get past all the stuff that holds us back and just act honestly.

Now, I agree, it would be difficult for many people to adjust. And I’m not advising 100% honesty, without taking into consideration how the other person might feel. He/she might not be ready to hear after the first date that you are totally in love with them, and want to get hitched by the end of next week. LOL. But if you DO feel that way, then maybe killing yourself waiting two days after the date to call might be a wrong tactic for you…

So the question is how do get rid of the games and come to a middle ground that is closer to how each person feels? I’m a bubbly, effervescent sort when it comes to romance–if I like someone, it’s hard for me not to keep that inside. I WANT to talk to them, etc. For those who are more cerebral and distance–you may like someone, but don’t feel the need to go on about it to them incessantly. I often think of myself a puppy, yipping and yapping at everything. For those who own puppies, you know that hiding their exuberance at life isn’t something they do well, or at all.

It’s a sad statement in the dating game that the person who likes the other person more has less power in the power dynamic. I’ve found that to be all too true. I’ve gotten hurt by it. I’ve gotten mocked and ridiculed for it. I still do it though. One of the hardest things about living is determining what to change, when to change, and for whom (if ever). I like sharing my feelings when I find someone attractive. I like being flirtatious. I love being effervescent when I’m with someone I can have a possible future with. I love being in love. Despite the hardships that brings, where cool, calm, and collected is the name of the game, I don’t ever want to change that about myself.

That’s why I’m so conflicted. I want to run back. I want to talk. I miss our friendship, and what we’ve had. I’m afraid that things will end. And yet…I don’t think I can trust my feelings and emotions. I can’t trust that I’m being logical and sound of mind. I don’t know if I’m coming from a place of competency and reality, as opposed to fantasy. My reason and analysis are the bedrock of my decision making process, and I think they are flawed. So while my heart is screaming at me…my head is holding back. Holding me back. Frankly, I don’t know what to do. The conflict is real, and devastating. I do know this…I still think that while being kind to others is ideal, one also must be kind to oneself. Hopefully that’s what I’m doing, even though it seems like I’m beating myself up over it.

On the other hand…if you don’t like someone…SAY SO. In the grand scheme of things, will it really hurt to say, text, or email someone after an initial date, “I’m sorry, but I don’t think it’ll work out”, or something innocuous like that? I know in this day and age, people are supposed to be able to “take a hint”, or “read between the lines”. But taking hints and reading between lines can lead to confusion and hurt feelings where they are misconstrued, or not detected. Some people really don’t get it. Some are too kind or naive to believe in the worst of people. Like myself, others are not quite as cynical when it comes to love and romance. So for those people–for us. Do us a favour. Let them down easy, with kindness and compassion.

I think we’ve lost sight of that. We’ve lost sight of the qualities that we seemed to have in the past. We’ve become bitter and jaded. But all it takes is a little time to be nice. A little effort to be kind. The eleventh Doctor had a great speech which I’ve slightly edited to make sense in this context.

” I DO WHAT I DO BECAUSE IT’S RIGHT! Because it’s decent! And above all, it’s kind! It’s just that.. Just kind. .. Hey, you know, maybe there’s no point to any of this at all. But it’s the best I can do. So I’m going to do it.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not all pureness, goodness, and light. I can be mean, and uncompassionate as well. The point though, is that I’m trying. And when one tries, one can very often succeed.

That’s all for now!