Iridescent Thoughts

Greetings and salutations!

“Some of us get dipped in flat, some in satin, some in gloss….” He turned to me. “But every once in a while, you find someone who’s iridescent, and when you do, nothing will ever compare.” 
― Wendelin Van Draanen, Flipped

I guess the first question that one might want answered is what is iridescence? One definition is, ” showing luminous colors that seem to change when seen from different angles.

I’ve always felt that I’m an outlier in life–my interests, hobbies, passions, etc, are so weird, and are in weird combinations, that it’s impossible to find friends and romantic partners to do things with.

However…but…notwithstanding. As I’ve thought about it, I’ve realized that this is what makes me me. It’s part of who I am, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. My hobbies and weirdness make me iridescent—depending on how you look at me, what I am to you will change, but still be beautiful. Still be bright and luminous and colourful. My interests and hobbies are what makes me interesting. In the world today, I’d much rather be interesting than boring. I’d much rather be different than part of the same. And I’d much rather be iridescent than just one colour.

Granted, I am impatient because I don’t think enough people are willing to tolerate me, and tolerate what I can provide and bring to a relationship or a friendship. They, (and forgive me for being immodest), do not realize what life is going to be like with me. LOL. I can guarantee you that it’s going to be interesting! Additionally, I can guarantee that I’ll definitely be grounded in the here and now–I’m no fantastical dreamer, but I will try to live life the best way I can, in the most irrepressible way I can.

It’s been a hard journey and a long road to this point. My therapist made a very good point about stuff, and unfortunately we had to miss a regularly scheduled session because she was ill. But basically…I might have issues with how I see myself, and how I like (or don’t like) what I see. So I’ve been thinking about it. Some stuff I can’t change. Some stuff I can work on so that I become someone I do like. Of course, I can also work on accepting who I am without being harsh, without being guilty, and without depending on the approval of anyone but me.

So, recently, I was putting a small glass bottle in the trash and it slipped. It hit the floor and it bounced! It hit the floor, and the energy caused the bottle to bounce. It was the weirdest thing to see. Hit the floor, bounced in the air, and hit the floor again…did this about 4 or 5 times before it stayed on the ground. It was good quality glass, but as I looked at it, the glass had major cracks, but still held its shape. Until I picked it up.

That’s been my life from the end of February until the end of April. I’ve been subject to a lot of emotional damage and shite that I couldn’t deal with: bouncing up and down and not shattering into hundreds of pieces, but with deep, dangerous cracks nonetheless. If you were to look at the glass bottle, or should I say, glance at it–everything would appear to be fine.

If you were to touch it, or look closely at it, you’d realize that it was extremely fragile, extremely damaged and had the ability to severely injure anyone who didn’t handle it carefully as the shards would slice into your hands.

I’m proud to say that I’ve taken steps to heal and be better. Obviously my life isn’t perfect, and I still have worries and concerns. That being said, it’s a continuing process, and I’m looking forward to being a better, more real, and healthier person.

That’s all for now!!!