Salad Dressing–Olive oil and Vinegar (metaphorically speaking).

Greetings and salutations!!!

I hope everyone is enjoying their summer. Obviously with me, it’s been a summer and spring of wrenching emotions, etc, but I’m much better for it, and that’s a good thing.

No tales from the couch for the last session. As riveting as they must be to read, (LOL), the last session dealt primarity with work issues that delved into the realm of HR, etc. So, I think because of that, it’s best to keep those details to myself.

So..I finally sent that e-mail response to SK. I’ve been wrong before about when I’ve gotten closure from this particular phase in my life, but I think right now, I’m at a good place.

Someone said that making salad dressing is like being a good diplomat–one has to know how much oil one has to mix with one’s vinegar. I find that an apt metaphor when it comes to interpersonal relationships. I think for far too long, I’ve been all oil and no vinegar. That needs to change, and has changed.

So…the e-mail. I needed to say what I needed to say, and for the most part, it was a good combination of oil and vinegar, to continue the metaphor. There was ONE part where I was direct, and perhaps needlessly blunt. It needed to be said. My story that has drifted on and off for almost 5 months to the day (Feb 25- July 25) has been one of ups and downs, emotional hills and traumatic valleys. My blog has been a huge part of my story–chronicling all the details—good and bad, right and wrong. The one consistent thing about it has been that it’s been the truth as I see it. It’s interesting how that truth has changed and transmogrified over the course of therapy and time.

But back to my point. One of the lessons I’ve learned in therapy is to be more direct, speak my piece, and express my emotions as I see and feel them, especially when they are valid emotions. I need to take care of me. My letter was upbeat, and positive, and expressed a desire to try and be friends at some point. I really do believe that we can. My confidence in myself and my abilities have always been boundless. Good friends are extremely difficult to find.

However, the new dynamic requires me to be more open and direct to people. Even SK. So, there were a few direct things I had to say–not needlessly, but because they impacted my journey from lovelorn idiot to self-respecting person. No one wants to be told their failings and weaknesses. LOL. Not most people. But if those weaknesses and failings are partially why I don’t have those feelings…guess what? You’re going to be told. You’re going to be told because while I’m under no obligation to explain how my feelings have disappeared…part of the new dynamic isn’t sugarcoating crap, or holding back what I want to say.

I know I’ve said this before, but I don’t expect a response, and it’s been over a week now, so I don’t think I’ll get one any time soon. And that’s ok. He’s going through a shit ton of stuff, and I’m the last thing he needs disturbing him.

So? I think this is the end of this saga for awhile. He’ll either accept my offer of rebuilding our friendship, or he won’t. He’ll either be convinced that my feelings are platonic, or they aren’t. Whatever happens, however–it’ll be HIS decision. And I’m ok with that. I do hope we get another chance. Life is far too capricious about second chances, however, so I’ve got no expectations.

One of the things that I’ve been wanting to do is expand my social circle a bit-while I don’t mind being a homebody, sometimes I do like heading out and doing stuff with people that doesn’t involve singing in front of them. My interests have always been pretty varied, but I’m hoping with summer and some meet-up groups, I should find something to do with like-minded people.

After all, it’s a new half-year! It’s time for different things, new starting points, and a renewal so that any trends one doesn’t want to continue for the next 6 months are stopped in their tracks.

I haven’t been blogging as much lately, but I do want to get back into it on the regular. Maybe once or twice a week? I’m hoping to get better at writing and providing more content. If y’all have any ideas about what I should blog about, please let me know in the comments!! I also want to continue some of the stories I’ve started and I’m trying to find a good venue for those to be posted as some are not family-friendly.

“Tomorrow” from Annie

The sun’ll come out 
Tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar 
That tomorrow 
There’ll be sun! 

Just thinkin’ about
Tomorrow 
Clears away the cobwebs, 
And the sorrow 
‘Til there’s none! 

When I’m stuck with a day
That’s gray, 
And lonely, 
I just stick out my chin 
And Grin, 
And Say, 
Oh! 

The sun’ll come out
Tomorrow 
So ya gotta hang on 
‘Til tomorrow 
Come what may 
Tomorrow! Tomorrow!
I love ya Tomorrow! 
You’re only
A day
A way! 

Just a bit of cheesy uplift! 😀

That’s all for now!!!