Pandemic Ponderings: Part II

Hey y’all…greetings and salutations. In my previous post, I was pretty much trying to be uplifting and emphasizing all the good things that one can concentrate on. In this particular post, I’ll delve deeper into some of the stuff one might be feeling–as I’m feeling it too. A little more personal, a little less cheerleading, but always honest.

Social distancing amplifies my feelings of loneliness. Living alone, being single, not being able to see your friends makes it harder to deal with the solitude. Especially not having a partner. There are only things and feelings one can express with a significant other, and I find that it’s tough–really tough being single in times like these. But not only that, social distancing makes it harder for one to meet other people to rectify the problem.

It makes it harder to maintain the boundaries that are necessary for one’s health and well-being. I think we all have people who are out of our lives, and should stay there. In these times, though, the temptation is there to yearn and long for the familiar, even if the familiar is bad for us emotionally.

I’ve been going through a LOT of that myself. It’s easy to justify making the first move, and being forgiving, because, hey? It’s a pandemic! People might die that we know! There’s no point in standing on ceremony! One should be the bigger person and try to rebuild what has been lost.

The problem is that there were good reasons WHY a friendship, or relationship, or crush was shunted to the side. Correction…if there were good reasons, one has to be doubly careful that those reasons no longer exist before one extends a hand of friendship again. Someone once said…”Never take down a fence before you learn why it was put up.” And I think that applies. I know it applies to me–especially as I am the one who put the fence up. There’s a tendency with the passage of time to forget–to forget the hurt, pain, and what transpired. It’s vitally important NOT to forget. One has to take a cold, hard, look at everything that’s gone on, and not let fantasy or emotional flights of fancy take hold.

So, even though I want to try and rebuild certain friendships. Especially the one with “K”…I think for now, it’s best to do that when one is clear headed, and stress free. When one has the ability to think about things rationally, and not let emotions run riot.

But putting all of the above to one side-I’m a patient person. And I’m stubborn. I know in my heart and in my head that rebuilding past relationships takes time, and it takes reciprocity. I haven’t seen any. And it all can’t be on me. It can’t. It helps that I’m stubborn and a bit of an asshole! LOL.

So, that’s my advice to you (and to me) if you find yourself being lonely. Do something. Read, write, go outside, learn a language. But don’t restart bad relationships or friendships because of loneliness. It won’t work out well. It has to be for the right reasons, and loneliness generally never is.