“If We Shadows Have Offended…”

Greetings and salutations!!! 2020 and all the confusion continues, and I’ll definitely talk more about Pride and Black Power in a subsequent entry.

Moving on is a momentous step–no matter how it’s done. Ending relationships, taking leaps forward without a safety net, but having the training necessary to do what is required in order to survive and handle stuff that comes your way.

No, I’m not talking about that…I’m talking about moving on from seeing my mental health professional. It’s been over a year, and..I think I’m done.

There are two schools of thought for therapy out there. The first school of thought is issue based. You are depressed, suicidal, having problems dealing with one particular issue. You see your therapist and when that issue is resolved and you have the tools to handle flare ups? Well, that’s it…your sessions are at an end.

The other school is the wellness model. It’s like going to the gym. There’s always room for improvement and growth. So you go to steadily improve yourself. The problem is that unless you get close to perfection, you could be seeing your therapist for a very long time. Which can be costly, but also just lead to what I call therapy fatigue. It’s HARD work, and unrelenting therapy can be incredibly draining.

When I first started going…I went because of particular issues caused by one particular person. Through hard work, a lot of introspection, and a lot of time, I’ve always thought that I’ve made great progress, but could never be sure. Over that time, we’ve dealt with other issues as well re: the wellness model.

So, what’s changed? I’ve always been just a bit afraid that I’d revert back to old habits when it came to Special K. *Regular readers know of whom I speak–shall we say he was someone whom I cared about*. Something happened which made me realize that my fears were unfounded. Totally unfounded. I can’t really go into it, because it’s pure supposition: a congruence of coincidences. But what I can say is that my response and thinking pattern surprised me. It surprised me because all the things I’ve learned manifested themselves in my behaviour to lead to a desired outcome.

I was fine. I was ok. I was proud of myself and realized that I had the skills and confidence to manage the most difficult thing in my personal life that’s happened in the last year and a half. It’ll be a complete year in July and I’m like…”I’m good with how I resolved things”

So bringing this all back to my mental health professional…I think I’m done. I feel ready to move on, or at the very least, take a long break and see if I can fly on my own.

The two quoted passages are some of my favourite passages from Shakespeare. There’s an overarching theme to them both. Namely that there’s a time and place for things to end. And that the ending isn’t as hard as it might be. Also in the grand scheme of things, a LOT of stuff isn’t as important as we make it out to be because it’s not as substantial as we think, or permanent as we think.

Our revels now are ended. These our actors, As I foretold you, were all spirits and Are melted into air, into thin air: And, like the baseless fabric of this vision, The cloud-capp’d towers, the gorgeous palaces, The solemn temples, the great globe itself, Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve And, like this insubstantial pageant faded, Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff As dreams are made on, and our little life Is rounded with a sleep. William Shakespeare From The Tempest, Act 4 Scene 1

“If we shadows have offended, Think but this, and all is mended, That you have but slumbered here While these visions did appear. And this weak and idle theme, No more yielding but a dream…”

W. Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night’s Dream

Life is all about new beginnings, but for every new beginning, there may a new ending. I look forward to this new beginning and hope that it works out.

Shalom