To Be Or Not To Be…*trauma warning: suicide*

To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing end them. To die—to sleep,
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to: ’tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish’d. To die, to sleep;
To sleep, perchance to dream—ay, there’s the rub:
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause—there’s the respect
That makes calamity of so long life.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
Th’oppressor’s wrong, the proud man’s contumely,
The pangs of dispriz’d love, the law’s delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of th’unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovere’d country, from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o’er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry
And lose the name of action.

One of the most famous Shakespearean soliloquies taken from Hamlet, Act 3, Scene 1. I loved Shakespeare in high school. Absolutely loved it. I managed to understand the Shakespearean language with relative ease, and the motivations of the characters. I have a great memory, so some of these soliloquies I still know by heart.

I do get that a lot of people hated Shakespeare, or found it difficult, or both. So I shall explain. Generally speaking Hamlet is going through the pros and cons of committing suicide. He’s wondering if he should take his own life. To be, or not to be. To exist, or not to exist. To commit suicide, or not. He’s wondering if it’s better to fight against all the crap that life is throwing at you, or to fight back by giving up completely.

He then lists the pros and cons of killing himself. On the plus side? Killing oneself ends it all. No pain, and it’s all over. The peace and tranquility of death. However…”to sleep, perchance to dream”. What he’s saying here is that no one really knows what happens when you die or AFTER. It might not be as peaceful as one hopes. That is what makes people hesitant. No one knows exactly what is going to happen when one dies, and perhaps, since one doesn’t know, one shouldn’t hasten quickly toward it.

This is the executive summary of this soliloquy. While one can go into depth as to what it means, the core is what I’ve laid out. One doesn’t know what happens after death, so it’s perhaps just as well not to hurry there.

It’s a nice, logical, coherent argument made by Shakespeare, and one that probably has no basis in real life. I read an article that people who commit suicide just want the pain to go away. They can’t foresee any other way of healing themselves and stopping the hurt and pain that is being inflicted on them. Sure, one might argue that makes no sense, but it isn’t YOU who is necessarily thinking about committing suicide. To those who are mentally ill, suffering from depression and grief, stopping the pain is all that matters. Logically it seems like it’s the only situation to solve their problems.

And while some people may think logically about it–it may not be enough. “I want to kill myself, but I don’t want my friends to find me. I don’t want my co-workers being traumatized when the call comes in. I don’t want to hurt my parents or my siblings.” These are all logical, cogent, well thought out reasons why one shouldn’t commit suicide. And yet…it still happens. People still believe that with the amount of hurt they are experiencing, nothing can cure it except death. They feel their quality of life, for whatever reason, is so bad, that being dead is a relief.

There are resources available. This link has a Canadian focus, but has links to worldwide resources.

Need Help?

For those who suffer these depressive episodes or thoughts. It makes so much sense at the time. I can’t emphasize that enough. It makes SO MUCH SENSE. You look back, and think, “How could I be so upset over….” Or how would that have solved my problems when there are solutions 1, 2, and 3 available? Or you laugh and think…”Wow, what in hell was I thinking?” Then you continue on your merry way until the next time something happens. Until things start going badly, and one tiny, little, thing triggers the entire cycle over again. Or maybe one big thing. In any event, the cycle begins, and if one is fortunate, things improve before you try to end it. The sad fact is that many are not fortunate.

I am grateful that through the help of friends, family, and clergy, I am fortunate enough to be here to type this blog entry.

Again…if you are thinking about it, please get help. I know it doesn’t make any sense to get help. But trust me. Please.