Remnants and Shadows

Hey, greetings and salutations.

Sigh. Hasn’t been the greatest week. I’m blessed (or cursed) with having the ability to remember my dreams. Lately, my dreams have been dark and about stuff in my past that I’d rather have stay there.

Obviously with the pandemic, it’s a dark time all around and that tends to manifest itself in my dream state. Stress and whatnot all conspire to move my mind and soul into places I’d rather not go. It’s to be expected.

Remnants and shadows. They are words filled with meaning. As most of you know (if you’ve been following my posts), I’ve had a rough year. And for the most part, things are exceptionally good. I’ve moved on, made my peace with myself and my soul. I’ve visited Hawaii, made some friends at my karaoke place and the gym. And for the most part, things are proceeding swimmingly.

But there are remnants and shadows: pieces that are left over, remainders of what stressed me out. As for the shadows? Faint images, untenable to the hand or the mind. Things that one can’t hold on to, hiding in the dark, almost invisible, but not completely. Grey and black shades that flicker and change under the cover of low light.

Lately, I’ve been dreaming. I can barely remember. I wake up, and I feel tired, with just pieces of my dream that I can barely remember. But I think…it’s about him. The frustrating thing is that I can’t be sure. I can’t be sure because everything that is happening in my dream state is cloudy and blurry. It’s a haze of darkness and pallid hues; somewhere between the fine line of transluscence and and clarity. It’s like the moment while the sun is shining but the fog is still out. It’s incredibly frustrating.

I am lucky that my subconscious is a great deal more stubborn and persistent than I am. I’m lucky enough to have recurring dreams–where my inner mind repeats a message over and over again via my dream state until I figure out what it’s trying to say.

So, as in life, I expect things to be clearer. I expect the shadows to disappear so I can clearly examine the remnants in the figurative and literal light of day. And I expect to get the answer of why now? Why has my mind drifted back to unhappy times, and what is it trying to tell me?

That’s all for now.